I may just be sitting on two stools at the same time, sweetheart
I’m quite difficult
Author: Dorian Gibb
Published on: 5/30/2015 7:20:37 PM




Girl with a pet hearing
 

A child with a pet meets a Contemporary sculpture lying on the floor. This is what they say.

Art: Hello, look at me. I am contemporary art.

Viewer: Oh. OK (remotest of furrows) complimentary art. Why are you lying there?

A: I’m new here.

V: Don’t you have any friends?

A: No, I have contemporaries. Lots. All alive and well, but soon to be dropping like flies.

V:  What’s your name?

A: Contemporary Art.

V: How old are you?

A: NEW.

V: That’s not an age.

A: No. It’s a time.

V: where do you come from?

A: I don’t come from anywhere. I am NOW.

V: You’re confusing to talk to. And your complimentaries are dying. That makes you like old people. You are old.

A: No. I am new. I am now.

V: You look uncomfortable. And you are the only ‘thing’ in here. All the others are old and on the wall. Do you feel out of place?

A: No. I am very much at home. I am Contemporary. This is my moment. I belong here and now.

V: But you have no friends, you are lonely.

A: NO. No I am NOT. I have many frie.. Contemporaries. They are alive and well.

V: Are these other paintings your friends?

A: (marble sigh) I know of them.

V: But not as friends?

A: No.

V: So who are your friends?

A: Jesus wept child…I have contemporaries not friends.

V: Sounds Lonely.

A: I am NOT lonely. I have numerous contemporaries who are ALIVE and… oh piss off.

ARSEHOLE.


___________________________________________________

 

La Trahison des Images (Ceci N’est pas une Raison)
 

A difficult woman with a cat at home meets a difficult piece of Art hanging on a wall. This is what they say.

ART: Hello, look at Me. I’m quite difficult.

Viewer: Oh, OK (remotest of reluctance) difficult art. Do you challenge me to ask the right questions before assuming a meaning?

A: Yes.

V: So there are correct questions?

A: No.

V: Oh… OK. I suppose I should ask if there is a definitive meaning?

A: Yes.

V: (ill-fitted pause)…

A: The answer is no.

V: I see. Is your intent to confuse may I ask? To cross wires? Create connections that lead to anew?

A: No.

V: O k a y… Are you at once art about art but so radically fresh and without provenance that to use ‘art’ as a language for deciphering your meaning would be… difficult?

A: No.

V: Right. OK. Should I be looking for a trick?

A: It’s possible.

V: Ah, so there is something to unearth. A set of gestures, co-ordinates if you will. Strict iterations of process and intent that allude to your truth?

A: No.

V: Christ… is this? You. Really worth the vex and the dissemination of prior knowledge and personal collective experience in responding to aesthetic to understand you?

A: Yes.

V: Why?

A: You are curious as to my complexity of meaning.

V: (audible shudder)… Jesus. I’m not now.

ARSEHOLE.

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